www.rossblanchard.com

Yankee Pot Roast - Erratic Services

2010-02-22T20:47:00.000-08:00

I can make you rock hard!!! - m4m - 18 - (Hoboken)

Reply to: anon00101892-012@craigslist.org

Date: 2010-02-01, 6:34PM EDT

I have Cialis for sale, 10 tabs for $100 dollars. Lasts 36 hours. If you have not tried Lipitor (Atorvastatin) which inhibits HMG-CoA reductase, the rate-determining enzyme located—

Just lost my train of thought. I took one pill yesterday out of curiosity. Blacked out, five hours later I'm watching Cosby Show. That same night I had sex and found out I made it into Duke! I'm thinking of majoring in Pharmacology. Call me, I have a access to a hot tub until—

Just ate a handful of walnuts. What is this obsession with walnuts? I'm basically a FEMA supporter except I don't like your dog, if I were to meet it (i.e. if you were to come over). We could test the Lipitor. Avocado is the good fat, so just think about that.

I can't wait to meet you. No pic no reply. Must loves dogs and fix my chainsaw, time for that weeping willow to go.

Onion In Focus: Day Job Officially Becomes Job

2010-02-22T20:44:00.001-08:00

HILLSBORO, OR—Another human dream was crushed by the uncompromising forces of reality Monday, when the restaurant day job of 29-year-old former aspiring cartoonist Mark Seversen officially became his actual job.

Onion - Former Prom King Now Living Anonymously Among Commoners

2010-02-22T20:44:00.000-08:00

GRESHAM, OR—Towering feats of revelry and sexual conquest, hailed and exalted in their day by the former sovereign's underlings, have over the years vanished slowly into the mists of time, their fiery glow reduced to but a few dying embers in the pit.

Harper's Links

2010-02-22T20:37:00.000-08:00

NYC condom contest finalists; profiles in college debt; meet the McDonald’s chef; how to succeed as an Ayn Rand character

Slate - Why there are so few great, inexpensive wines from California.

2010-02-19T22:34:00.000-08:00

Bemoaning the dearth of good, inexpensive wines from California is like carping about the trivialization of politics or all the junk on television: It is such a self-evident point that it hardly bears repeating. But I'll go ahead and repeat it anyway, because this lacuna in California wine culture bothers me not only as an oenophile but as an American. In Europe, some of the most celebrated vintners put out modestly priced wines alongside their loftier offerings. Jean-Louis Chave's Hermitage (red or white—take your pick) sells for hundreds of dollars a bottle, but he also makes a delicious Côtes-du-Rhône that retails for about $18. Erni Loosen has an excellent $10 riesling. Aubert de Villaine, Christian Moueix, Dominique Lafon, and Alvaro Palacios all produce wines that are within reach of the budget-conscious. Nor is this trend confined to the Old World; David Powell, one of Australia's finest, puts out a quartet of sub-$20 wines. But among California's superstar vintners, there is almost no one making wine for the masses.

The Ricky Gervais Show: Finally Doing What Podcasts Cannot

2010-02-19T22:22:00.000-08:00

The world's most popular Internet radio show returns in animated form on HBO, so you'll no longer be the weird guy laughing out loud on the street to his iPod"

What Babies Know and We Don't. By Michael Greenberg

2010-02-19T10:26:00.002-08:00

Discussed: The Philosophical Baby: What Children's Minds Tell Us About Truth, Love, and the Meaning of Life. by Alison Gopnik

The most elusive period of our lives occurs from birth to about the age of five. Mysterious and otherworldly, infancy and early childhood are surrounded later in life by a curious amnesia, broken by flashes of memory that come upon us unbidden, for the most part, with no coherent or reliable context. With their sensorial, almost cellular evocations, these memories seem to reside more in the body than the mind; yet they are central to our sense of who we are to ourselves.

The Gambler. By Nathaniel Rich

2010-02-19T10:26:00.001-08:00

Discussed: Robert Altman: The Oral Biography. by Mitchell Zuckoff

'I love him,' says Julianne Moore. 'And he means more than anything to me.' Keith Carradine speaks of a lifelong 'love affair with Robert Altman,' while Tom Skerritt 'just loved the guy from the first.' 'You'd always love him,' says Geraldine Chaplin; 'You've got to love him,' adds Mark Rydell. 'I loved Bob and...I'd do anything for Bob,' says Sally Kellerman, and it's true: for Brewster McCloud, he filmed her prancing naked in a public fountain in Houston during the morning commute.

Publishing: The Revolutionary Future. By Jason Epstein

2010-02-19T10:26:00.000-08:00

The transition within the book publishing industry from physical inventory stored in a warehouse and trucked to retailers to digital files stored in cyberspace and delivered almost anywhere on earth as quickly and cheaply as e-mail is now underway and irreversible. This historic shift will radically transform worldwide book publishing, the cultures it affects and on which it depends. Meanwhile, for quite different reasons, the genteel book business that I joined more than a half-century ago is already on edge, suffering from a gambler's unbreakable addiction to risky, seasonal best sellers, many of which don't recoup their costs, and the simultaneous deterioration of backlist, the vital annuity on which book publishers had in better days relied for year-to-year stability through bad times and good. The crisis of confidence reflects these intersecting shocks, an overspecialized marketplace dominated by high-risk ephemera and a technological shift orders of magnitude greater than the momentous evolution from monkish scriptoria to movable type launched in Gutenberg's German city of Mainz six centuries ago.

Tiger’s Penis Issues Rebuttal

2010-02-19T09:57:00.000-08:00

PONTE VEDRA BEACH, FL (The Borowitz Report) – Just minutes after Tiger Woods vowed to lead a life of decency and integrity, the golf legend’s penis issued a furious rebuttal.

“Let’s make one thing very clear,” Mr. Woods’ penis told a select group of reporters. “Tiger Woods does not speak for me.”

Mr. Woods’ penis sought to draw a clear distinction between his plans and those of the PGA champion, particularly concerning their futures on the golf tour.

“Tiger has said he is not returning to the tour,” Mr. Woods’ penis said. “I am here to say that Little Tiger is definitely putting it out there.”

Reaction to the statement by Mr. Woods’ penis was mixed.

“The world needs to forget about everything else and focus on the Tiger Woods scandal,” said the chairman of Toyota. More here.

Read Andy Borowitz’s live coverage of Tiger on Twitter

Saturday at Lee F*cking Marvin's, by Roger Ebert c. 1970

2010-02-18T21:58:00.000-08:00

In his response to Chris Jones's new profile of him, Roger Ebert looks back fondly on this, "the best interview I ever wrote for Esquire" — a beer-addled, expletive-laden day with the actor.

The Fight over the Google of All Libraries: An (Updated) Wired.com FAQ

2010-02-18T21:53:00.000-08:00

It's the beginning of the end-game for the The Google Books project -- an audacious attempt to create the most comprehensive library in the history of the world -- as the case moves again to a federal hearing in New York. The story is a complicated one, combining copyright law, anti-trust issues, plain old capitalist competition and the odd problem of orphan books, and Wired.com is here to help you sort it all out.

America's democracy: A study in paralysis.

2010-02-18T21:49:00.000-08:00

from The Economist.

The fate of health-care reform is a test-case in how initiatives fail. Is it also a sign of much deeper trouble in America’s political system?

ACCORDING to Paul Krugman, the winner of a Nobel prize for economics and a columnist for the New York Times, modern America is much like 18th-century Poland. On his telling, Poland was rendered largely ungovernable by the parliament’s requirement for unanimity, and disappeared as a country for more than a century. James Fallows, after several years in China as a writer for the Atlantic Monthly, wrote on his return that he found in America a vital and self-renewing culture that attracts the world’s talent and “a governing system that increasingly looks like a joke”. Tom Friedman, another columnist for the New York Times, reported from the annual World Economic Forum in Davos last month that he had never before heard people abroad talking about “political instability” in America. But these days he did.

The growing idea among influential pundits that America is “ungovernable” is being driven in large part by Barack Obama’s failure so far to pass some of the main laws he wants to. And it is, indeed, a puzzle. Here, after all, is a president who only just over a year ago won a handsome mandate: 53% of the popular vote and big majorities in both the House of Representatives and the Senate. He bounded into office with a mountainous agenda, including plans to overhaul America’s health-care system and cut its greenhouse emissions. He seemed until quite recently to be doing reasonably well. In a folksy December interview with Oprah Winfrey he awarded himself “a good, solid B-plus”. ...

The Ethics of Dogs

2010-02-18T21:36:00.000-08:00

The play of canines might provide a glimpse at the roots of human morality.

By MARC BEKOFF and Jessica Pierce

The Real Timothy McSweeney Dies

2010-02-17T22:16:00.000-08:00

An announcement from McSweeneys.net that the Quarterly Concern's namesake has died.

Also, a note from founder Dave Eggers about the real Timothy McSweeney.

Harper's Links

2010-02-17T21:59:00.000-08:00

WorkingBusinessman’s Dead; why Charlie Brooker likes ebooks (they’re shameproof); the scientific reasons you should date an older woman (blowjobs); Troglodyte bats; excellent birds (watch them fly); Frowny faces at the clown memorial; “When an Intelligence Story Isn’t,” Stephen Engelberg, ProPublica; Palestinian sex tape; Guernica in Sarajevo; opinion: to fix the church, get rid of the churches

Harper's Links

2010-02-17T21:18:00.000-08:00

PLAYBOY: If you didn’t know you, would you think you’re a douche bag?

MAYER: It depends on what I picked up. My two biggest hits are “Your Body Is a Wonderland” and “Daughters.” If you think those songs are pandering, then you’ll think I’m a douche bag. It’s like I come on very strong. I am a very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me.

Male and Female Bike Racks

2010-02-17T21:15:00.000-08:00

Now available at your new Portland Planned Parenthood headquarters.

GENEVIEVE SMITH—Weekly Review

2010-02-17T21:13:00.000-08:00

Hundreds of thousands of Iranians celebrated the thirty-first anniversary of the Islamic Republic with pro-government demonstrations in Tehran. To prepare for the “disruption free” event, the government arrested opposition supporters, imposed a virtual blockade on text messages and emails, arrested journalists, and sentenced to death a thirteenth opposition activist. On the day of the demonstrations security forces thwarted opposition protesters with tear gas and road blockades. Before the demonstrations, Iran announced that it had produced 20-percent enriched uranium and was planning to triple its uranium production, bringing the country closer to nuclear-weapons capabilities. “Please pay attention,” said President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, “and understand that the people of Iran are brave enough that if it wants to build a bomb it will clearly announce it and build it and not be afraid of you.”

More

Apple Launches Text-sharing Device, the CoTex

2010-02-17T21:12:00.000-08:00

CUPERTINO (The Borowitz Report) – In the same week that it launched its much-touted iPad, Apple introduced its latest game-changer to the tech marketplace, a text-sharing device called the CoTex.

“There are a lot of texting devices out there that can absorb data,” said Apple founder Steve Jobs. “But nothing absorbs more than a CoTex.”

Hollywood Eager to Finally Fuck Up ‘Catcher in the Rye’

2010-02-17T21:11:00.000-08:00

HOLLYWOOD (The Borowitz Report) – Just hours after author J.D. Salinger passed away at his New Hampshire home on Wednesday, Hollywood studios were already salivating at the chance to finally ruin his masterpiece, Catcher in the Rye.

“If we are fortunate enough to acquire the rights to Mr. Salinger’s book, we pledge to stay faithful to the spirit of Catcher in the Rye,” said Dougy Binstock, a producer at Columbia Pictures. “And the best way to do that is by producing it as a rock opera.”

Teabaggers Finally Google 'Teabag'

2010-02-17T21:10:00.000-08:00

"WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - One week after their first national convention, the self-styled Teabaggers are facing an identity crisis after one of their members finally Googled the slang term 'teabag.'

'I was wondering why every time I told people I was a Teabagger they kind of started giggling in an embarrassed way,' said Tracy Klugian, a Teabagger from Elyria, Ohio. 'I was like, what the heck? Maybe I should use the Google and see what this is all about.'

After Mr. Klugian Googled the word 'teabag,' he was shocked by what he discovered and shared his information with the Teabaggers' leadership, who are now actively looking for a new name for the group.

'We want a name that suggests we're out to give the Democrats a good fight,' he said. 'So far what we've come up with is the Donkey Punchers.'

Colbert: "Sarah Palin Is A F--king Retard" (VIDEO)

2010-02-17T21:09:00.000-08:00

Using Sarah Palin's defense of Rush Limbaugh against her, last night Stephen Colbert proudly pronounced that 'Sarah Palin is a f--king retard.'

Salinger, by Michael Greenberg. from The New York Review of Books

2010-02-17T20:57:00.000-08:00

J.D. Salinger; drawing by David Levine

Rereading J.D. Salinger after his death on January 27, I am struck by an improbable connection between his work and that of Jack Kerouac. Both were writing in the late Forties and Fifties, from opposite ends of the social spectrum, but with a relentless ethos of non-conformism at the center of their fiction. Salinger, however, has none of Kerouac’s easy American Romanticism, much less his patriotic celebration of the open road. Salinger’s world is one of constricted New York spaces: bathrooms, restaurants, hotel rooms, buses, a tiny obstructed table in a piano bar where one barely has room enough to sit down. The high cost of not conforming is far more palpable in Salinger than in Kerouac. For Salinger’s characters, to be different isn’t a choice but a kind of incurable affliction, a source of existential crisis rather than social liberation.

Harper's Weekly Review

2010-02-17T20:53:00.000-08:00

Weekly Review—By Theodore Ross